Jimmy Brooks (JBizzle in the Hizzouse) (half_broken_jb) wrote,
Jimmy Brooks (JBizzle in the Hizzouse)

I told Hazel about Liz and I tonight. It was really hard to do. I never wanted to hurt her.

It's sad the way things happened between us. I mean we grew apart because it hurt her to see me so... broken. But it hurt me she wasn't there. And then I fucked it up even more by cheating on her with Liz.

I just didn't see how we could work things out with as much damage as we were doing. So we talked about it. We're not together right now, but I told her, and completely mean it, that I didn't want us to be over forever, for good. Because, a part of me is very much attatched to her, and I would love for the day to come when we could be the way we used to be. But I think the only way to ever hope to get there is to start over again, as friends.

It tore me up to tell her that. It tears me up thinking I made her cry. But if we kept on like we were we'd only be more hurt in the end, and possible destroying all hopes for a 2nd chance or even a friendship.

Am I horrible for flying out to California tomorrow... because Liz wanted me too? I'm going because Liz makes me forget all the pain and sadness around. With her, the shooting seems less real, like it was just a nightmare thats finally fading away. I can talk to her about it, but more than that, since there are many people out there I do talk to about it, I can JOKE with her about it. Make it not so serious. So when she asked me to come spend a couple days out there with her, I couldn't say no. Especially knowing that it hasn't been the easiest trip, what with having to visit her parents graves and stuff like that.

That being said, I'm not going to be around the next few days, so I'll see you all when I'm back in the big T-O!
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